My Friend Died

This weekend has been difficult. My friend Marvin died on Wednesday night. That day, he sat on my couch talking about life. The next, I shared lunch with a mutual friend talking about his death. I wanted it to make sense at his memorial on Sunday, but so many things are simply going to be different in his absence.

I’m reminded today of one of the lines that leapt out at me recently from the book of Job. Laying in ashes and stricken with sores all over his body, he asked, “Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” My job isn’t to understand. My job is to trust and believe with humility, no matter the circumstance.

A Deep Friendship

I only met Marvin last summer. Sometimes, you meet people and you just feel like they’re already a part of your tribe. Well, I recall discussing this exact feeling with my friend James after leaving Marvin’s house for the first time in August. That’s just how it was with his family. The girls and I went to their house. They came to ours. We broke bread and played games.

Marvin and I laughed, we prayed, and we shared some really hard things. He was a flawed human being with a messy past. He struggled to forgive himself for some of the things in his past. We had much in common. But, the most important thing we shared was our experience with the redemptive love of Jesus Christ.

He was one of the least pretentious people I’ve ever met; he didn’t care who was watching. Give him the spotlight, and he jumped into it a thousand percent. I wish I had a video of him dancing on stage in kids ministry, but this captures the same energy from a game night.

As a security volunteer, he was often the first face that kids saw when entering the kids section at our church. He made them feel seen, and they responded to him strongly. My girls chased him down at church for hugs all the time. He loved kids and valued them. In this, he was my tribe.

He told me once that he didn’t think God had given him any talents. He had been given his hands, and he found ways to use them. Woodworking, gardening, playing instruments, bowling. He was trained in therapeutic massage. He loved helping to heal people of their pain and to restore mobility.

It’s hard to comprehend the strength of his hands gone slack.

Men Around the Fire

The very first time I visited Marvin’s home, he shared his dream to host a small group of men around the fire to discuss our issues together. The distance between most of us is too great. He wanted to connect with people on a deeper level.

The only problem was that he didn’t have a firepit. Fortunately, I’d just torn up an old patio earlier in 2022, and the bricks were still stacked in my yard. So, Marvin borrowed a trailer and we carted load after load until every last one of them made it to their house.

Then, he rejected all further offers of help. I got photos from his wife as the work of his hands took shape. He laid pavers, built the firepit he’d dreamed of, and created a beautiful space for entertaining in their backyard.

He finished the job in January, just in time to celebrate its completion along with his 54th birthday party. My camera doesn’t come out very often when I’m with friends, these days. But, I took some videos of him that night. I was struck by how radiant his spirit was in those moments, and wanted to try and capture it. I’m glad I did.

His fire burned brightly that night. Now, his fire has grown cold.

Verses About Death

There are many verses which give comfort to the brokenhearted and speak of the bereaved. For me, I am focused more today on the hope given to those who are dying.

John 5:24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.”

Philippians 1:21-23 “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.”

1 Thessalonians 4:16-17 “For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.”

Revelation 19:6 deserves mention for a man who loved music as much as Marvin did. But, rather than share the verse, I would simply ask that you enjoy this song. It is one of his favorite bands, and the lyrics borrow heavily from it.

A Farewell to My Friend

Marvin, I miss you. I know you are free of the cares and struggles of this world, but I selfishly wish you were still here. I wish you were here to text. Just to have one more lunch with you. I wish I could hear your laugh. That I could hear my girls laugh once more around you. I don’t know who’s going to finish that disgusting Texas Pete hot sauce you loved so much.

I wish I’d gotten to know your family, but I only got to meet your daughter once. The girls and I are praying for them. Their grief must exceed my own. I mourn for the relationship your grandchild will not get to have with you. You would have been an incredible grandpa.

But, we will meet again one day. This broken world will fade away, and the perfect love of God in all its impossible depth will suddenly and eternally define all things. I have no doubt that in that moment, I will glance over to the percussion section and see you smiling, playing the djembe, and praising God.

Until that day, I will remember you in the open flames of a warm campfire and in the music you loved best.

Semper Fidelis, my brother.