I realized that I didn’t really cover this question when I wrote my post exploring the virgin birth. But, it seems like it’s worth looking at. How old was the virgin Mary when she had Jesus? It’s a tricky question. I can confidently say she was a teenager, almost certainly a young teenager.
It’s important to remember that we have widely accepted the age of majority as 18. But, Jewish girls in the ancient near east were considered adults at 12. This lens makes it uncomfortable for us to consider such a young girl pregnant. So, our media tends to depict her as older than she was.
It was common in the culture in which Mary grew up to betroth girls between the ages of 12 and 13. Based on the gospel narrative, Jesus was conceived during the year-long betrothal period, while she was still a virgin. So, it is likely that Mary had Jesus between the ages of 13 and 14.
How Old Mary Was When She Had Jesus
Whole books have been written on understanding Biblical narratives. And, it is generally accepted that the authors of these narratives were selective in the details they included, often omitting what would have been culturally assumed and highlighting what deviated from expectation.
We see this dynamic at play in the details used to describe Mary and Elizabeth in Luke 1. Elizabeth was old and barren. Mary was a virgin and betrothed. Surely, the author would have thought it appropriate to give an indication of Mary’s age?
‘But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and both were advanced in years.’ Luke 1:7
‘In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. And the virgin’s name was Mary.’ Luke 1:26-27
The omission seems like an oversight to us. But, calling Mary “betrothed” was a clear description of her age for the implied reader. The author would have felt no need to describe her age explicitly, unless it departed from expectations as in the case of Elizabeth.
Customary Age of Marriage
I went looking in Rabbinic sources for information on the customary age of betrothal and marriage. Let’s just say things got weird fast, because those guys reeeeally wanted to work out the legal outcome for every possible circumstance, including things you never want to imagine.
Suffice it to say that betrothal could technically occur at a very young age. In the interest of fairness, the discussion I linked was purely hypothetical. They were exploring the legal consequences of such an event, not giving it approval.
Legally speaking, we know that a minor girl became a maiden or na’arah נערה at 12 years old. This status lasted for 6 months before she became at bogeret בוגרת at 12 and a half. A father could have betroth his daughter at 12 without her consent, but her consent was required once she became a bogeret. The Rabbinic consensus seems to be that it was better to wait for consent:
This statement supports the opinion of Rav, as Rav Yehuda says that Rav says, and some say it was said by Rabbi Elazar: It is prohibited for a person to betroth his daughter to a man when she is a minor, until such time that she grows up and says: I want to marry so-and-so. If a father betroths his daughter when she is a minor and incapable of forming an opinion of the husband, she may later find herself married to someone she does not like.
Given the cultural context and what is not said in the gospels, the careful reader can infer that Mary’s betrothal would have occurred between the ages of 12 and 13, or shortly thereafter, barring extraordinary circumstances.
The Protoevangelium of James
There is an apocryphal book, the Gospel of James or Protoevangelium of James, which contains details of the early life of Mary. It describes many miracles surrounding her. And, it is also the oldest (perhaps the original) source for the doctrine of perpetual virginity.
The book is widely dated to the mid-first century CE. Origen was a church father in the second century CE, and he demonstrated familiarity in his writing with what the book teaches (though he does not cite it directly). Its age does not grant it authority, but likewise should not detract from it.
According to the Gospel of James, Mary was betrothed to Joseph (described as an older widower) at the age of 12. Several passages later, she is described as 16 years old while pregnant, visiting her cousin Elizabeth. So, according to this source, she could have delivered Jesus as late as 17.
Still, I have to admit that a betrothal of over four years seems especially long, given the cultural norm of just one year. To the best of my knowledge, no other sources claim a specific age for how old Mary was when she was betrothed or pregnant with Jesus.
Moral Implications of a Young Mary
Some people today object to God using Mary on the basis of her age. But, I don’t see think that there are justifiable grounds for moral outrage. A pregnant 13-year old seems scandalous to us, because in our culture teenagers are still dependent children.
A young teen mom today will struggle to finish high school. Her life opportunities are going to be severely compromised as a result of her situation. No parent would wish this on their daughter.
But, young women in the ancient near east spent their childhoods learning from their mothers how to keep the home, how to support her family with income from an acceptable trade, etc. They were considered ready for adulthood (and indeed marraige) at just 13.
Mary was a marriageable woman of child-bearing years in her culture. She was ready for children, and would almost certainly have had her own children with or without being chosen as the mother of Jesus.
God Doesn’t Change
But, God doesn’t change, right? So, were the Rabbis wrong to teach that Jewish girls could be married off at such a young age? Or, are we wrong for believing that 18 is the age of maturity? What will people think two thousand years from now about how we approached this issue?
It’s worth noting that our laws are not designed to change culture. We build frameworks of legal consequences for those who violate what our society deems acceptable behavior. Laws reflect culture. A hundred years ago, children were expected to work extremely dangerous, adult jobs. But, today, the idea of sending children into a mine shaft to work is abhorrent to us.
I believe that it would be wrong for me to deliberately have kids that I cannot care for. I think it would be wrong to mislead someone into accepting a legal contract that they cannot understand. Neither of these circumstances seem to apply to ancient Jewish betrothal and marriage customs.
I don’t think that God is nearly as concerned as we make him out to be on these issues, no matter how much time sages spent debating them. I think he cares a great deal about how our hearts approach these issues and the people they affect.
Do you agree with my assessment of Mary’s age? Have you come across other positions on how old Mary was when she had Jesus? I look forward to your thoughts in the comments below!
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