It can be difficult sometimes, holding onto hope. I have struggled with depression over the past year as my marriage deteriorated. I abandoned many things, even those I enjoyed, thinking “What does it even matter?”
Overwhelmed by my circumstances. Crushed by the weight of a dozen different issues I could not solve on my own. I justified giving up.
Several months ago, we sang a song at church, referencing Nehemiah 8:10 “… the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
It was a gut check. I didn’t feel joy. I didn’t feel strong. Looking back now, I can see the ways I had stopped pursuing my relationship with Him.
I still believed, but I was angry with God.
Reaching the Breaking Point
Earlier this year, things reached a breaking point in our marriage. I filed for separation from my wife.
Through this season of grief and confusion and pain, I have gripped the cross with both hands for the first time in a long, long time.
Today, I was reading about David. I see myself in his mistakes. And, I admire his attitude toward God.
The line in 1 Samuel 30 when Ziklag was raided is one that I want to be true in my own story. Let my children recall, “Karl was greatly distressed … but he strengthened himself in the LORD his God.”
Holding Onto Hope through the Knowledge of God
You see, David understood God’s nature deeply. Even when circumstances were bleak, he was able to continue holding onto hope through the knowledge of God.
I have found my joy returning as I memorize scripture. And, I see it growing through my prayers and Bible time. I reach out to other believers when I am frustrated, and they build me up.
That’s not to imply that I am always happy. Admittedly, I weep pretty frequently. I want restoration and reconciliation, and I don’t see it on the horizon.
But, my joy and hope are not rooted in my circumstances getting better. They bloom in the knowledge that God is unchanged by my circumstances.
David wrote Psalm 142:5 while hiding in cave. “I cry to you, O LORD; I say, ‘You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.’”
Scripture is full of statements like this. Shields that we can raise against the enemy. They are tailored for every circumstance, vividly characterizing our relationship to our creator.
I have prayed refuge and portion a lot the past few weeks. Previously, I have used others–light and salvation, stronghold, father, brother, friend, comforter, redeemer–the list goes on.
Which characterization of God are you connecting with the most today?
Prayer for Today
My prayer for today is that, when facing worries over my future, I will remind myself that God is my portion. So, no matter what the future holds, He will never not be enough.
I resolve to seek refuge in God’s presence. I will strengthen myself with the joy I have in him.
Scriptures about Holding Onto Hope
“But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.” Psalm 3:3 (ESV)
“The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1 (ESV)
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